Everyday the times slips by and it grows ever closer to my graduation from college. When I think back of all that I've done with my life over the past 24 years I realize school has ruled all of my major life decisions.
For the first time in my life, I choose what is next and what interests to pursue, etc. To be honest this absolutely scared the stuff out of me! Doubts came flooding down like a thick rain storm covering everything. I kept thinking... do I go after an internship? do I need a masters degree? how can I make the money I need? what field do I pursue? what type of job ? where do I pursue a job?
.... In the midst of all these questions my mind was running in self-defeating circles. I felt stress manifesting in my body in the form of tight muscles and a lump in my throat that I just couldn't seem to shake. I saw the tears rolling down my cheeks and I witnessed first hand the turmoil inside. No matter how many conversations I had with parents and my loving boyfriend over all the options that I had... I still struggled with "making" choice over what to do.
Frustrated over the months of indecision... I finally decided to just let go and see what comes. Letting go was one of the most liberating and challenging aspects of this process. At the very core of my nature... I wanted a plan, and I had to face the realization that what I really needed was the exact opposite.
In all my "trying" to "make" a decision I was only adding to the stress, and feeding self-hate (doubt) by succumbing to fears. At the very essence of this inner battle, lied fears that I was inadequate or not enough. We all face similar emotions and have the choice to let the fears subside as we breathe into all the good that lies within us.
Once I let go I really just fell into a quiet place and allowed the wheels of my mind to slow down. Weeks later, I happened upon a quote by the scholar Joseph Campbell...
"Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track,
that has been there all along waiting for you,
and the life you are living,
is the life you ought to be living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open,
where you didn't know they existed.
Follow your bliss,
and door will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else."
After reading this, I sat in simple cross legged position in the middle of the day, with the sun shining through the windows, and tears of happiness gliding down my face. I felt a smile instinctively curl up onto my lips and I cried and laughed through the simplicity of this. The answer lay openly in front of me.
All along... through those months of indecision I knew and talked openly about how much I loved Yoga and wanted nothing more than to share it with the world. Yoga to me is bliss, practicing it, reading about it, and talking about it gives me limitless amounts of unconditional happiness.
So I have my answer, I am going to follow my bliss... by giving in to all that is Yoga. :-)
May all beings know peace, may all beings feel love from all sides, and may all beings seek their bliss!